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Never Love A Man (Without A Moustache)

from Maximum Splendid by Rapscallion

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lyrics

Getting bored with this fuzz on my lip
I take a notion that I should strip it
To the barber shop double quick - oh yeah
That’s when I see the lady passing by
Tight black corset and a bustle to die for
I see my mistake as she catches my eye - oh yeah

And she says
How can I love you with that
clean upper lip
It’s just not done

Please, forgive me if I come off crass
I could never love a man without a moustache
You might be handsome, but you’re not too flash
And I could never love a man without a moustache

So listen, this is your cautionary twist
There’s a sacred bond ‘twixt a man and his whiskers
It’s not temporary, not just hair today
I recommend a cover up of fuzz
Waxed up, drop down or even a toothbrush
But heed my advice if you don’t want to hear them say

How can I love you with that
clean upper lip
It’s just not done

Please, forgive me if I come off crass
I could never love a man without a moustache
You might be handsome, but you’re not too flash
And I could never love a man without a moustache

Billy Dee Williams, Tom Selleck, Sam Elliott, Burt Reynolds, Richard Prior, Vincent Price, Nikola Tesla, Nick Offerman, Ned Flanders, Frank Zappa, Super Mario, Eddie Murphy, Freddie Mercury

Please, forgive me if I come off crass
I could never love a man without a moustache
You might be handsome, but you’re not too flash
And I could never love a man without a moustache

Please, forgive me if I come off crass
I could never love a man without a moustache
You might be handsome, but you’re not too flash
And I could never love a man without a moustache

credits

from Maximum Splendid, released April 9, 2021
P. Gravett

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